The Last Mon Standing

This was a scene in my class in Medical Nursing…

Clinical Instructor: You kids should know what to tell your clients when they ask you about things. Giving health teachings can be classified in the three levels of Preventions (Promotive, Curative, and Rehabilitative). Do you know what to say when your patient who had just a heart attack asked you when he is allowed to have an intercourse? You can’t just giggle or say "no Comment" or "kayo naman kuya". And you can’t prohibit him from doing it, it’s one of human’s vital needs.

Neil Raised his hand. He was called.

Neil: I think I can tell him about the position he can do.

The whole class laughed. Positioning is done for Respiratory patients for proper drainage and better breathing mechanism, but with… ermm… wel… about sex.. positions means many things… a great array of things.

Neil: (explained) classmates, I think, if the guy and his wife change their positions, that is the wife on top, the guy won’t have a hard time doing the deed, thus less muscle contractions ergo less cardiac output.

Clinical Instructor: That is if they are not going to climax. But during orgasm, no matter how different they are positioned, the deviation in Vital Signs (Blood pressure, Respiratory and cardiac Rates and even Temperature) is overwhelming. Risking the guy to another set of heart attack. Have you heard of the joke (she told a joke that is I think too… well… too much that only pervert and medical personnels need to hear it)

The whole class laughed again. When nobody cannot answer her, she told us how.

Clinical Instructor: You can tell the patient to climb a three story building’ stairs within 20 seconds. If he can do this without panting then he’s ready for a round.